Shitty Mantras

I've always been skeptical of mantras.

Repeating manufactured phrases like "I am confident" and "I attract abundance!" felt forced.

So, after a few sessions talking to myself in the mirror, I dismissed mantras.

It wasn't until recently that I rediscovered their power.

In his book, Words Can Change Your Brain, Dr. Andrew Newberg shows how a single negative word can change our brain chemistry in an instant - activating the amygdala (our brain's "fear center") and releasing stress hormones.

Whenever you're stressed or overwhelmed, there's negative words or phrases that come with those feelings:

• "I suck."

• "Shitshitshitshit."

• "People think I'm weird."

• "I don't have time to do all of this."

• "I can't deal with this right now."

These are mantras.

When I dug deeper into finding my own "pre-existing" mantras, I was surprised to find the phrases that most often crossed my mind were... kind of shitty.

You already have mantras, and they probably suck

According to Dr. Fred Luskin of Stanford University, humans have approximately 60,000 thoughts per day—and 90% of them are repeated from the day before.

Whether you believe in mantras or dismiss them like I did, you are a walking mantra machine - repeating mostly the same thoughts today that you did yesterday.

The problem with these repeated mantras is that they are objectively untrue.

They come from experiences in your past, not from some deep inner wisdom.

For example, if you were "the dumb one" in your friend group in elementary school, the shitty mantra "I'm dumb" might come up often, even though there's little truth to it now. A tiny chunk of the thoughts you repeat every day may have been decided by a group of 3rd graders, decades ago.

There's a massive opportunity here - which author Mason Currey points out in one of my favorite newsletters, The Art of Noticing:

If we can learn to identify and eliminate our shitty mantras, then we can start living joyfully in the present moment, freeing ourselves from automatic thought patterns that make us feel stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious.

When you embrace the practice of eliminating your shitty mantras one by one, the need for "stress busting tactics" and "Wellness Wednesdays" disappears, and is replaced with a foundation of supportive thoughts.

An effortless calm. *dramatic look into the camera*

Here's how to do it, step by step.

How to override your shitty mantras and boost your confidence

Step 1: Identify a shitty mantra.

The next time you feel sad, angry, anxious, or upset, see it as a golden opportunity.

Shitty mantras live in difficult emotions. When your in the midst of one, their volume is turned up loud enough to hear.

Ask yourself, "What must I be believing right now to causing this feeling of [fear, anxiety, stress]?"

Allow some silence to sit with that question and see if an answer arises.

If not, here's some prompts...

What do you say to yourself when you are:

• Running late to a meeting

• Getting too many emails

• Dropping a spoon in the kitchen

• Stuck in traffic

• Taking longer than you expected to complete a task

• Not doing X new habit you promised yourself you'd commit to

Step 2: Create a "turnaround statement"

Write down the shitty mantra you identified in step 1 and take 60 seconds to brainstorm 1-2 opposite statements:

Example: If my shitty mantra is "I'm a bad teacher because I can't keep up with grading", your turnaround statements might be:

"I'm a good teacher because I can't keep up with grading."

or

"I can keep up with grading."

Sometimes, a turnaround statement is as simple as adding the word "not", other times you have to get a bit creative.

Note: Byron Katie, spiritual teacher, uses 4 questions to examine and refute negative thoughts. I borrowed this "turnaround statement" step from her, and I highly recommend checking out her 4 questions framework. It's like carrying around travel-sized Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) in your pocket.

Step 3: Defend your turnaround statement with your life.

Time to be a lawyer.

Start collecting evidence (any evidence at all) to support your turnaround statement.

The lawyer metaphor works well here because lawyers don't need to believe their clients to defend them.

If you've chosen one of your shittiest mantras, there's a good chance you've been gathering evidence to support it for a long time, and that you won't believe your turnaround statement.

Gather evidence anyway.

Gather evidence like it's your job to argue for it. Every night, write down 2 things that happened that day that support your turnaround statement.

Going back to the grading papers example: Maybe I didn't grade papers on time, but it gave me time to plan a fun activity for my students. That supports my turnaround statement, "I'm a good teacher because I can't keep up with grading."

Or maybe I did get something graded that day. I write it down because it supports this turnaround statement: "I can keep up with grading."

You can use this method on any thought, but start with your big culprits - the shitty mantras that come up when you feel stress and anxiety. For me, a 5 minute nightly practice of writing down evidence to support my turnaround statements blows gratitude journaling out of the water.

Give it a try, and if you do, i'd love to hear how it goes.

Mantras are spells

Standup comedian Pete Holmes compares the power of words to magic spells we cast on ourselves and others.

When you identify and build a case against your repeated, shitty mantras, you sap their power and create space to start choosing your own spells.

Spells that energize, inspire, and calm you to the core.

Happy casting.