How to calm down in 10 seconds

There's a Zen proverb that goes something like:

Smug bastard.

2 hour meditation sessions and retreats to the Himalayas aren't feasible for everyone - and that doesn't disqualify you from relaxing into presence. As Sam Harris (of the Waking Up App) says: "the point of meditation isn't to be a good meditator - it's to be better in life."

Over the last few years I've been obsessed with collecting tiny calming techniques that can be practiced quickly, easily, and on the go.

I meditated formally for years - but found that when I stood up off my cushion into my daily life of emails, conversations, and personal goals - my anxiety and neuroticism followed me. I desperately wanted techniques that could be practiced at any moment in my day, allowing me to frequently dip into the calm, open states I was enjoying during formal meditation practice.

I call these practices "micro-calm" techniques.

Most of them take a few seconds, and with a bit of practice, it becomes much easier for your nervous system to shift into a parasympathetic, calm state in the middle of your most hectic day.

Below are my 10 favorite "micro-calm" techniques to melt stress, relax your nervous system, and open your awareness in a matter of seconds.

Use this list like a menu.

Choose 1-2 practices (no more) that resonate with you and attempt them a few times throughout the day: perhaps each time you get into a car, take a shower, have a meeting, or even mid-conversation with someone (highly recommend this for introverts.)

1. Physiological Sigh

Take a full inhale through your nose, then force a second quick inhale at the top. Exhale long and slow through the mouth.

This technique was developed by neuroscientist Andrew Huberman.

It works by increasing the ratio of Oxygen to CO2 in your blood, triggering your body's relaxation response.

Here's Huberman describing and demonstrating the "physiological sigh":

2. Walking Meditation

Maintaining mindful presence while walking has been one of my favorite things to do in the last two years.

There's so many "in between" moments in life that we spend walking - and they are perfect opportunities to re-center and relax.

I'll probably do a full post on walking meditation soon, but here's the most important elements to a successful walking meditation:

Once you learn basic walking meditation, you'll have a relaxation superpower available to you while you're waiting in lines, grocery shopping, or walking across a parking lot.

3. The 4-7-8 Breath

Inhale to the count of 4 through the nose, hold for 7, exhale for 8 through the mouth.

This is my go-to when I'm feeling wound up or nervous. It usually only takes 2-3x doing this breath to feel a shift. Deliberately extending the exhale shifts the nervous system out of "fight or flight."

This breath was inspired by pranayama/yoga, but I first heard of it from Dr. Weil. Here's him demonstrating:

4. Ocean Breathing

Also popular amongst yogis. Add a slight, darth-vadery constriction to your exhales. Then go about your day.

I use it when I'm answering emails and it makes me hate the process considerably less.

It's not easy to find a good explanation for ocean breathing since it involves a slight constriction of the throat muscles that only you can feel, but I was delighted to find this video that explains it perfectly:

5. Mini Body-Scan

In a single exhale, release tension in your:

• Jaws

• Shoulders

• Stomach

In that order.

At the start of the exhale - jaw relaxes open. Mid exhale - shoulders drop away from ears. End of exhale - stomach softens.

Bonus tip from meditation teacher Tara Brach: Visualize an unclenching fist or melting ice as you release tension in each area.

6. Kindness Laser Tag

This is a pocket-sized form of loving kindness meditation (aka Metta). Find a nearby person and wish them well in your thoughts. Mentally whisper "I wish you well."

You can also say "I love you" or "may you be happy" if that feels more natural. Anyone can be the unsuspecting target of your kindness laser:

• Pets

• Co-workers

• Your mail carrier

• Fellow commuters

This might feel contrived/forced at first. Try it (forced) for a day - you might be surprised. When I committed to this practice once/day for a week I felt notably happier, more relaxed, and less socially anxious.

7. Do "The Work"

"The Work" (created by Byron Katie) is a series of 4 questions you can ask yourself when a specific thought is causing you stress/anxiety/overwhelm/fear/anger.

I think of it as pocket-sized cognitive behavioral therapy.

Here's the 4 questions:

1. Is this thought true?

2. Can I be 100% certain it's true?

3. How do I act/feel when I believe the thought?

4. How would I feel if I didn't believe the thought?

This will be most effective if you the thing you're overwhelmed or fearful about can be pinpointed with words. Example: "I'm not good enough to do X." or "[Insert scary/awful thing] is going to happen to me."

Here's a thread I wrote on how to do this process, step-by step with examples:

8. Notice your hands

The name says it all. Relax your hands and notice any sensations there.

Some things you can choose to notice:

• Temperature of whatever your hands are touching.

• Breeze/airflow on your hands.

• Sensations of tingling or vibrating.

Don't underestimate this technique for it's simplicity.

A few years ago, I was hooked up to biofeedback equipment - measuring real-time stress via HRV, skin condensation, and body temp. Paying attention to my hands for 30 seconds reduced stress more than anything else I experimented with.

9. 5-4-3-2-1

I learned 5-4-3-2-1 from retired pilot and therapist Tom Bunn, who now teaches people how to get over their fear of flying.

Holding your gaze forward, notice 5 things in your peripheral vision

Mentally whisper what you see: "I see a desk lamp, I see a water bottle, I see a grey wall." ...until you've named 5 things you see in your periphery.

Repeat for 5 things you hear. "I hear my own breathing, I hear a car outside, I hear the hum of my AC unit."

Repeat for 5 things you feel (tactile not emotions). "I feel my shirt on my skin, I feel my feet on the ground, I feel cool air on my hands."

Then, repeat all steps again with 4 things you see, 4 things you hear, and 4 things you feel.

Then do 3,3,3.

Then 2,2,2.

Then 1,1,1.

Don't worry about repeating things - you can repeat the same thing anytime you want: Example: "I see a lamp." "I see a plant." "I see a lamp." "I see the sun." "I see a lamp."

The 5-4-3-2-1 exercise gives your brain something to chew on to prevent the buildup of anxious thoughts. It's like chewing gum on an airplane to keep ear pressure from building... but for your psyche.

1-2 minutes of this exercise reliably settles my mind when it's racing.

10. Landscape Mode

When we're stressed, our visual focus narrows (tunnel vision).

When we're relaxed, our gaze is wide and unfocused.

Our visual system flips between these two states automatically in response to our stress level, but we can reverse engineer that mechanism and trigger a calm state by intentionally expanding our gaze.

Here's how:

Switch your eyes to "landscape mode," taking in as much of your surroundings as possible without focusing on any single thing.

Hold this soft and relaxed gaze for 5-10 seconds.

Tip: Try to identify the furthest objects/light you can in your peripheral vision as you relax your gaze forward.

Here's a good guided explanation from meditation teacher Loch Kelly:

Bonus: "Unscrunch"

This is the most recent addition to my "micro-calm" technique collection, and it comes from Michael Ashcroft, who teaches a course on expanding awareness with the Alexander Technique that I'm super excited to go through in depth this year.

Essentially, you tense all of your muscles, then let go - tuning into what it feels like to "let go." Then you tap into that "Unscrunch" feeling again and again.

Michael explains the technique best in this thread:

I hope you found 1-2 techniques on this list that will serve as mini-oases (had to look up the plural of oasis) throughout your day.

Or, at the very least, I hope you experienced a glimpse of "letting go" while reading and following along with one of the exercises.

Every practice on this list has served me well at some point in my life, and I still practice a handful of them daily.

Question: Do you know any other micro-calm techniques I should add to the collection? Shoot me an email if you do - or if you try any of these I'd love to hear.

Until next time,

Sean