The clenched fist in your mind

Every once and awhile, I'll be listening to some peice of art, thinking a thought, or hear someone say something that rings so true that it makes me laugh spontaneously.

It's not a belly laugh, but more of an existential hiccup in which I realize suddenly that I've been living my life without this very obvious and very meaningful thing I just heard. It's kind of how I would imagine the Buddha laughing if I knew more about Buddhism.

Tickled to the core.

One of these tickling statement recently hit me during a guided walking meditation I was doing from the Waking Up app with Sam Harris.

Towards the end of the meditation, he says...

Seems like a pretty simple statement, but it hit my psyche like a train.

During the walking meditation, I was exploring the ways I hold tension in my body, mind, and heart. Like, when I walk by someone else, I tend to contract from an open, meditative feeling into presentable-human-who-wants-other people-to-like-me mode.

When the other person finally passes by, there's a full 1-2 minute wait time before I open and let go again. And if I wasn't in the midst of a walking meditation where I was conscious of all this, chances are that 1-2 minutes would never end, it would transition right into another tension-causing thought, to do list item, or remembering an interaction I had earlier that day that I regret.

So, when Sam said "There's no reason to walk around with a clenched fist in your mind," it made me realize that I do this for most of my day, and how insane that is.

Hilarious, obvious, and profound.

It truly helps no one. It doesn't help me - it leads to feeling and acting unnatural. And it can't possibly help other people - after all, it's happening privately in my brain.

I'm not a religious person, so when someone says they will "pray for me", I appreciate the sentiment (I really do), but I don't think it will actually do anything to help the situation. My own, secular version of "I'll pray for you" might go something like: "I'll clench a fist in my head about how I've let you down in this conversation later."

So what should us habitual mind clenchers do about it?

Is there a strategy, technique, or mantra we can use in that moment when we realize we're clenching?

The answer, I think, is as simple as the problem: Just stop it.

Un-clench.

It reminds me of this old Bob Newhart sketch where he plays a therapist that listens to people's problems, then - with increasing vigor - tells them to "Stop it!"

"Just stop it" might seem harsh. But noticing and putting an end to unnecessary holding/tension is one of the most loving gestures you can offer yourself.

Try to catch yourself clenching a fist in your mind at least once this week.

Then, "just stop it."

With love,

Sean